Those of you who are in the health care field and are also Christians may have also struggled with Matthew 17: 20-21 before. This is where Jesus chides his disciples (current day....us) for having so little faith that they cannot heal a boy that is having severe frequent seizures. He tells them that if they even had the tiniest of real faith, that of a mustard seed, that they could move mountains at will.
I have often struggled with this verse and have always flipped back and forth on whether this verse is literal or figurative. Before coming to Haiti I camped on the figurative side. It could not actually mean that they could medically and scientifically heal anyone in Jesus' name if they just had enough faith that God would do it! Since coming to Haiti, I have flipped back and forth. In times when I could not cure a patient with my prayers or hands, I have thought, well it must be figurative and other times in the same situation, I have felt like God is screaming this verse at me that I just needed to have more faith in him.
I still struggle with it but let me tell you why I am learning to trust God more and more and why I am learning to put my faith in him fully...........
Last week in church a lady visiting from a Christian choir in PAP, started to get a huge headache. She almost collapsed in the church. They lead her out, but before doing so, they prayed fervently over her for healing in Jesus' name. I have to be honest, my faith was not great that it would have done anything. I did not leave my seat as I figured she had just gotten lightheaded from the heat and in a few minutes out in the open air she would be fine. She was not. After leaving the church the headache got worse and she collapsed. She was rushed into the clinic and our visiting anesthesiologist and cardiologist went to work on her. I knew she was in good hands and by the time I got there, she was lying peacefully. The doc then told me that she was completely unresponsive and her pupils were dilated and fixed. She was breathing fine but she most likely had suffered a small bleed in her brain.
Her story is as follows. She had a concrete block fall on her head in the earthquake and ever since she has suffered from intense headache and she has not been able to see out of her left eye well and has had blurry vision ever since. It had been getting progressively worse.
So as I enter the room, she starts to respond to pain stimulus and starts to talk, but her pupils are still non reactive and she states she cannot see a thing. We conclude that her small bleed in her brain has progressed to the point that it is taking away her vision completely in both eyes. Are there other possible diagnoses, sure, such as a tumor, but the bottom line is the same. She also still complains of severe headache. It is not likely with our lack of CT or MRI scanning abilities or lack of neurosurgeon in country that day that she will ever regain her vision. Her condition remains unchanged over the next hour or so. We feel helpless.
As we all work on deciding if there is another facility that is better equipped to monitor her, her choir starts to pray outside. They all surround in a circle and cry out to God for healing in Jesus' name. The girl lies there quietly praying. I recall praying myself but my prayer revolved more around God help me to find a place that can take care of her, and, God help her to be able to live with this in a country like this etc. After calling all around, no one will take her and we decide to keep her here. The doc sits quietly in her room while he waits for us to take her up to the ward later. I go back to orienting our new medical team from the states.
Suddenly my radio squawks. "Dr. Cheryl and Sarah, the patient can see! The patient can see" I actually physically looked down at my radio, not sure that is actually what I heard and I asked him to repeat it. "The patient can see!". I rushed back to the bedside and sure enough her pupils are reactive and she is looking around. She had all of a sudden sat up and looked the doc square in the face with normal pupils and he said shocked, "you can see me can't you?" and she breathed "yes!". I held up fingers and she got them all right and chuckled joyously that she had no double vision for the first time in 6 months. Her severe headache of 6 months was gone! Her vision restored!
From that moment on, she started to sing. Her voice was incredible. She was singing to God beautiful worship songs half laughing, half crying with her eyes closed. Every now and then she would peak to make sure she could still see and with a chuckle, she would close her eyes again and continue singing to the Lord. Nothing else existed at that moment for her except her and her beautiful saviour. I stood holding her hand humbled as I had witnessed a true miraculous healing that made no scientific sense. She had at least the faith of a mustard seed. That I know. She believed God would heal her and He did.
And hence, my struggle with Matthew 17: 20-21 continues and I nowadays lean toward the literal side. Ok I lean a lot to that side, but have a hard time fulfilling it. I pray that God gives me the strength to have that kind of faith. That I will not lean on myself but on Him.
18 July 2010
01 July 2010
This is why God sent me here
RoseMarie is a little girl who's parents died. At the young age of 9 she got taken in by a family as a "Rest-Avek". A rest-avek in Haiti is a slave. Usually it is a young girl with no where to go and she is enslaved to work. Moping, washing, sweeping, cleaning, living in filth, sleeping on the floor, beatings and sexual abuse. She endured all of this. Then one day in December of 09 the beatings (with large stocks of sugar cane) got so bad that her left shoulder shattered; her bone broken in pieces... a part of the bone sticking out of her skin. They left her like that. They did not take her for help. She endured the pain and infection until the ground started to shake. The earthquake of Jan 12 was a horror to many, but for RoseMarie, it was escape. After the earthquake, she made her way to a nearby orphanage. Now 12 years old, the Pastor and his wife took her in.
Being extremely poor themselves, they had little to give her but food and water. The kids sleep on the floor and they had no money for health care. They took her to a local clinic who did not have orthopedic docs so all they could do was dress her wound once in a while. It was then, 6 months after her bones were shattered that I got the e-mail regarding whether we would accept this little girl. They brought her in and we did surgery on her infection riddled shoulder, a shoulder that she will never use properly again.
Before she went in for surgery, we became fast friends. I told her that many people were going to love her while she stayed with us, feed her, give her clothes and do her hair. And as I sat and talked with her about Jesus, listened to her quiet yet strong words and looked at her beautiful smile; I was reminded; this is why God sent me here.
Marie Joseph is a young girl of about 8 years old. I hear the crackle of the radio telling me that there is a paediatric emergency in the ER. The visiting paediatrician and our paramedic are there so thankfully I sigh, I do not have to play paramedic today too. However, I do wander over to see what they have and if I can be a set of hands. When I get there, I see they are working to keep her breathing. She breathes independently but barely. With an O2 mask over her face, she waits for the doc to prepare what she needs to intubate.
Marie Joseph can not talk, she has no energy. All she can do is squeeze out desperate moans. As approach her, I see the voodoo necklace around her neck and I have a terrible sense of dread in knowing that she does not know the saving grace of Jesus. Her family members explain to our Chaplain that the voodoo necklace is to protect her from evil spirits and he starts to talk to the family.
No one is beside her now as they prepare the materials to intubate and transfer, so I step in. Looking into her eyes of desperation I know she has little chance. I tell her to focus on my face and I lean in close to calm her. I ask her if she has heard of Jesus and she motions "yes". I ask her if she knows that He is all she needs to depend on and she motions "no". I look deep into her soul and tell her that I want her to listen to me really carefully. I tell her that Jesus is right there next to her, holding her in His arms and no matter what happens to her He is all she needs. I tell her He died for her He loves her that much. He is more powerful than any evil spirits that may be around and that right now in her heart and in her head she can cry out to Jesus to be her Lord. I tell her that no matter what happens to her today, that Jesus will not leave her and He is all she needs to focus on. I tell her just to hold on to Jesus, keep talking to him in her heart and not worry about anything else. As we break the voodoo necklace off, they intubate her and pack her in the ambulance to take her to a facility we hope can save her.
I got the call the next day. Two hours after I saw her, she died.
As I remember her eyes focused on mine hearing the good news of Jesus, I am reminded; this is why God sent me here.
Chrislene is a young girl of 11. Her right hand is crushed from a concrete block that fell on her in the earthquake. Her leg bears the scars of many wounds from that night. Now 5 1/2 months after, she sits in my orthopaedic unit while her mom weeps as she tells me the story. Chrislene's mom sends her to school in Port-au-Prince where she stays with her Aunt.
The afternoon of the earthquake Chrislene sat in her class with 600 other students. When the shaking stopped, all 600 of the kids were under the rubble; dead. Chrislene, the sole survivor was pulled from the wreckage, her leg wounded and her hand crushed and deformed. She does not remember but her mother talks through her tears of going to many different hospital locations in PAP to no avail. She talks of bodies lying everywhere in the parking lots and how she could not get any help. She talks of being accepted in one, only to be put out again. She talks of the hospital she ended up staying in for weeks but they were too busy to do anything for her daughter. She talks of giving up and going home to her town outside of PAP and caring for her daughter's mangled hand until today. Today she heard of the white bone doctor in Titanyen and so she has come.
Chrislene is now on our surgical schedule for July and God happens to be sending us an orthopedic hand specialist. As I talk to her mother, she says in guilty anguish; if I knew this hospital was here, I would have brought her earlier. And then she says but I know God has sent me to you in this place now. And as she gives me a hug, I am reminded; this is why God sent me here.
Being extremely poor themselves, they had little to give her but food and water. The kids sleep on the floor and they had no money for health care. They took her to a local clinic who did not have orthopedic docs so all they could do was dress her wound once in a while. It was then, 6 months after her bones were shattered that I got the e-mail regarding whether we would accept this little girl. They brought her in and we did surgery on her infection riddled shoulder, a shoulder that she will never use properly again.
Before she went in for surgery, we became fast friends. I told her that many people were going to love her while she stayed with us, feed her, give her clothes and do her hair. And as I sat and talked with her about Jesus, listened to her quiet yet strong words and looked at her beautiful smile; I was reminded; this is why God sent me here.
Marie Joseph is a young girl of about 8 years old. I hear the crackle of the radio telling me that there is a paediatric emergency in the ER. The visiting paediatrician and our paramedic are there so thankfully I sigh, I do not have to play paramedic today too. However, I do wander over to see what they have and if I can be a set of hands. When I get there, I see they are working to keep her breathing. She breathes independently but barely. With an O2 mask over her face, she waits for the doc to prepare what she needs to intubate.
Marie Joseph can not talk, she has no energy. All she can do is squeeze out desperate moans. As approach her, I see the voodoo necklace around her neck and I have a terrible sense of dread in knowing that she does not know the saving grace of Jesus. Her family members explain to our Chaplain that the voodoo necklace is to protect her from evil spirits and he starts to talk to the family.
No one is beside her now as they prepare the materials to intubate and transfer, so I step in. Looking into her eyes of desperation I know she has little chance. I tell her to focus on my face and I lean in close to calm her. I ask her if she has heard of Jesus and she motions "yes". I ask her if she knows that He is all she needs to depend on and she motions "no". I look deep into her soul and tell her that I want her to listen to me really carefully. I tell her that Jesus is right there next to her, holding her in His arms and no matter what happens to her He is all she needs. I tell her He died for her He loves her that much. He is more powerful than any evil spirits that may be around and that right now in her heart and in her head she can cry out to Jesus to be her Lord. I tell her that no matter what happens to her today, that Jesus will not leave her and He is all she needs to focus on. I tell her just to hold on to Jesus, keep talking to him in her heart and not worry about anything else. As we break the voodoo necklace off, they intubate her and pack her in the ambulance to take her to a facility we hope can save her.
I got the call the next day. Two hours after I saw her, she died.
As I remember her eyes focused on mine hearing the good news of Jesus, I am reminded; this is why God sent me here.
Chrislene is a young girl of 11. Her right hand is crushed from a concrete block that fell on her in the earthquake. Her leg bears the scars of many wounds from that night. Now 5 1/2 months after, she sits in my orthopaedic unit while her mom weeps as she tells me the story. Chrislene's mom sends her to school in Port-au-Prince where she stays with her Aunt.
The afternoon of the earthquake Chrislene sat in her class with 600 other students. When the shaking stopped, all 600 of the kids were under the rubble; dead. Chrislene, the sole survivor was pulled from the wreckage, her leg wounded and her hand crushed and deformed. She does not remember but her mother talks through her tears of going to many different hospital locations in PAP to no avail. She talks of bodies lying everywhere in the parking lots and how she could not get any help. She talks of being accepted in one, only to be put out again. She talks of the hospital she ended up staying in for weeks but they were too busy to do anything for her daughter. She talks of giving up and going home to her town outside of PAP and caring for her daughter's mangled hand until today. Today she heard of the white bone doctor in Titanyen and so she has come.
Chrislene is now on our surgical schedule for July and God happens to be sending us an orthopedic hand specialist. As I talk to her mother, she says in guilty anguish; if I knew this hospital was here, I would have brought her earlier. And then she says but I know God has sent me to you in this place now. And as she gives me a hug, I am reminded; this is why God sent me here.
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